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Switcher sex

Cindi

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Identifying your kinks in the bedroom is a normal, healthy part of exploring your sexuality.

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What does it mean to be a 'switch' in bed? it isn't just about bdsm.

Skip ! Story from Sex. In my first BDSM relationship, I was the submissive partner, and I was dating a dominant cis man who wanted to tie me up.

He was also aroused by the idea of leaving me in a cage all day and only letting me out for sex. This turned me on, too. For the majority of our relationship, I was content in the submissive role. So, I asked him if we could try it out.

Let's discuss what you need to know about being a bdsm switch

A true dominant, he just wasn't into me doling out punishments like name-calling and spanking. When it comes to BDSM kinks, some people, like my former partner, fit snuggly into a specific role: a dominant one who takes a controlling role or a submissive one who submits to the dominant partner.

In my case, I've only played both the submissive and dominant roles with specific partners who were also into switching. When I was with the last woman I dated, at first, I felt extremely dominant in the relationship. Then, we attended a BDSM workshop, and each couple was asked to take turns slapping the other.

Switch (dating term)

I found myself completely repelled by the idea of slapping her, but totally turned on when it was her turn to slap me. With other partners, I've felt submissive throughout the duration of the relationship. Of course, you don't need to date dominant partners with cage fantasies or attend BDSM workshops like I did to take pleasure in switching between being dominant and submissive. Anyone who has enjoyed both being spanked and getting on top during sex to take control can relate to being a switch.

It's also fairly common to be a switch, Aviva says. There's no clinical research on exactly how prevalent switches are, but to give you an idea: The group for switches on FetLife, the kinky social networkhas 20, members, while the group for submissives looking for dominant partners has 47, members although it's worth noting that this group also contains dominant members hoping to meet subs.

Not to mention, many people begin identifying as a submissive or a switcher sex, and then realize they want to explore the flip side. It's also normal to primarily feel more submissive or dominant, and want to experiment with role reversal. Despite the fancy-sounding BDSM term, being a switch just means that you enjoy experimenting and playing various roles in the bedroom.

And take it from me: Freeing yourself from the role you think you should be playing during sex, and allowing yourself to experiment depending on your partner or mood, can result in some mind-blowing orgasms. Up until very recently, my sex toy collec.

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